Dear family,
Thank you so much for your emails! They were perfect :)
I had a really cool experience last Monday. It's starts out sad, but gets really good at the end (like all good stories do :) I was feeling pretty down and had been feeling bad since that ZTM. I came back from getting groceries and doing all the p-day stuff and just sat down and cried. I mean really cried. All the guilt and frustration and disappointments just crushed me. Sister Stanley was really great during all of this. She started crying too and said that when she was in the MTC she started to cry during a role play and that she had some wonderful impressions from the Holy Ghost and one of them was: "If you cry, it means you care." Which is good to hear when you are a crying mess. :) And the impression just kept coming to me that I needed a priesthood blessing. So we called Brother Munns and I had one of the most amazing experiences that I've had on my mission. He sat us down on lawn chairs and had Sister Stanley say a prayer and then he asked me what was wrong. When he asked this, I thought: { I am not succeeding here. I am not doing what I am sent here to do. I feel like my mission is making me more cynical and angry and it isn't supposed to do that. I don't feel like I am a good missionary, etc. } But I only told him about the not succeeding part and Brother Munns was so understanding! He gave me some advice before I had the blessing. He said that when he left on his mission, his brother told him that he needed to do his best and that his best would shift depending on the day. Some days his best would just be getting out of the bed in the morning. Other days it would be hitting twelve lessons. Then he turned to me and told me not to answer out loud and he said, "Are you doing your best?" On reflection, I think I can say that I am. Even those past three miserable days, I did the best I was capable of doing. I am giving it all I have. He also shared another experience about his father. His father served a mission in Kentucky/Tennessee and was the first person to go on a mission in his family. He only baptized one convert that stayed active. Brother Munns said that his father didn't talk about his mission much and that his considered it mostly a failure. But Brother Munns pointed out that his mission had left a legacy. All of his kids served missions. He said, "Your mission legacy is so much more than your 18 months. It extends to your kids and their kids, to cousins and sibling." Then Brother Munns gave me a blessing and boy at this point the tears are flowing freely. The peace that came into my heart was indescribable. Satan's hold on me was completely gone. The discouragement and frustrations that had clung to me for three days were GONE. And that is a big thing to me because I tried everything. I had read my scriptures, prayed, partook of the sacrament, etc and nothing had worked. But this healed me in minutes. I know the priesthood is a real thing. It is the power of God. Isn't that an amazing concept? I haven't had a problem since that blessing!!
This week we had our last zone conference with President and Sister Holm. It was a pretty sad change of events, but I'm happy for them and grateful for their service. President Holm was so sweet. He pulled me aside to talk about my devastation for the lack of visa. I just felt so much love from him. I am so proud that I am a daughter of the SCCM (South Carolina Columbia Mission)!! We each got to take another photo with President and Sister Holm. Looking back, I am completely amazed at how far I've come. I look back at that first picture and just think how little I knew. I had no idea what I had just gotten myself into! I didn't know just how hard, stressful, wonderful, miraculous and beautiful that my mission would be. I didn't know how to be a missionary or a companion or a leader or anything! We also got to give President and Sister Holm a handshake and hug. I sure am going to miss them! President gave us a book that he wrote but we can't read it until after our mission. I am eager to find out what is inside! We also had a testimony meeting and I actually bore my testimony! I still get nervous, but oh well! Missions won't change everything. I really felt the Spirit so hopefully it helped others as well. Sister Holm thanked me for sharing it so I was basically on cloud nine :)
I also had to say good-bye to Sister Gearheart, which was hard. I love that girl so much! Her and Sister Glauser have a special place in my heart! And to think that ten and a half months ago, I didn't even know them! Now I feel as if they are truly my sisters. That is one of the absolute best things about being a missionary: getting to know so many people and developing friendships.
My friend from BYU who is a Brazil visa-waiter serving in Los Angeles, pulled her visa. Her letter was so perfect for my situation so I thought I would include some of it :)
"My heart is so full. I don't have much else to say other than to describe the turning point that happened this week. After hearing such great news about the blessings coming to my family, with jobs and moving to new states and weddings and such, I felt as though the Lord was giving me a greater idea of what was ahead. But the visa/Brazil was still in question, and that got me a little discouraged.
Then on Thursday, President Weidman texted us and said that he wanted to meet with me face to face (which is really unusual unless you have an interview scheduled). So we met at the church building and he sat me down. He told me that, based on the circumstances with the paperwork the last few months, and according to a report from the Missionary Department in Salt Lake, the chances of me getting a visa in the next 7 months are extremely low. He told me that he was instructed to give me the option to change my call officially to stay here in LA for the remainder of my mission.
It was really interesting. I had kind of pictured this happening eventually, maybe. I had imagined telling President, "Well, I don't know, I'm going to have to do a lot of fasting and praying about this..." I was/am a little sad. A little disappointed. But when all of this presented itself, I felt at peace. Completely at peace. I no longer felt anxious or worried or uncertain about my future. I felt that God loves me and is pleased with me and has a plan for me here.
I told him my experience about six weeks ago, just sitting in Sacrament meeting when I had this thought: Brazil is not the tree of life. Jesus Christ is the tree of life. The Atonement is the tree of life.
President teared up a little and then informed me that I will be a Sister Training Leader next transfer. (Basically the equivalent of a Zone Leader, but just over sister missionaries.) . He told me that I am one of the best sisters in the mission and that he needs me. How could I say no? How could I say no to one of the Lord's chosen servants? At the end of the interview, President held out his hand to me and said, "Sister Matheson, welcome to the best mission in the world."
Do you all think I should pull my visa?
I love you all so much! I am so grateful for your support and even though it doesn't always seem like it I am SO grateful to be a missionary in the "best mission in the world." (Which is actually the SCCM but I am sure Los Angeles is good too :)
Love,
Sis D
No comments:
Post a Comment